seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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