Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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