Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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