i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
