woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
