Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
