Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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