Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
