Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
