maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
