How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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