Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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