I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
50% drunk capacity currently
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
