remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
