My hand turned me down
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize