Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
