I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
