sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
