Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
