so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
