the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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