He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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