there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
sarcasm needs its own font
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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