please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize