we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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