How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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