If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
