listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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