i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
