They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
