I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
