Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
