never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
