I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
