Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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