you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Two words: blizzard sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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