I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
