Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
