why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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