My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
