I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
