Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize