Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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