Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
