my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize