I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
