She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
