I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
