im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
