i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
