if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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