Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
