Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
