I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
