Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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