yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
