the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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