The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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