I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
