it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
