Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
