hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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