Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize