Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
