I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
