There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
