Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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