Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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