Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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