your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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