I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
