So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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