it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
