When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
