when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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