I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
